Memorable quotes from the mainlander

 

I work with someone who is a recent immigrant from the communist nation of mainland China.  His personality mixed with his lack of English skills often offers unexpected bouts of hilarity!  Now, add to this that his face seems to always be grimacing for some reason and the laughs just continue endlessly.

I have decided to start a list of his comments and quotes.  Here are a few to get started.

On how the Koreans took everything from the Chinese:

"The Koreans learned everything from Chinese people.  Building huts, cooking...
they tried to learn the language but couldn't so they created all these circles
and squares with lines here and there."

Asking if the summer student is of mixed ethnicity:

"Is she a 'hybrid'?"

Explaining the various buildings within the Forbidden Palace grounds [from pictures off the internet]:

"The forbidden palace is a big place.

Look here, this building is the size of football fields - and you know what this building was for?  The Emperor kept this building for all his cucumbers....     No!  Sorry, I meant, Concubines!"

His explanation of why marriage kills love:

"When you are married there is no more love.  That is why they say marriage is the graveyard for love.  After you marry, there is no feeling for your wife.  You just try to feed the family.  You will hold her hand but feel nothing - it's like your left hand is holding your right hand.  But you only feel something when your hand is cut."

Thoughts on a new BlackBerry leather pocket case:

"This pocket is so new its hard to get the BlackBerry in.  Too tight...like a virgin bride."