There is something seriously wrong with the people of mainland China

Watch this video below before reading on.

Outrage in China over Shocking Video of Toddler Left to Die

Yea I said it.  mainland Chinese are f*cked.  I've always known they can't be trusted on any level.  You can't do business with them b/c what they say today holds no water tomorrow, "honour" is a Japanese concept - it doesn't exist in mainland China.  You can't trust in Chinese quality because they rush and cut corners just to make a quick buck.  My anger is aimed towards the government and people of mainland China.  How can I be so judgmental when I've never been to China?  I've gone to school with mainland Chinese classmates, I currently work with two mainland Chinese coworkers, I've socialized among mainland Chinese friends.  Political correctness aside, let's be perfectly honest:  anyone who has had the intimate company of mainland Chinese immigrants, as I have, will come to understand the culture pretty quick. 

Last year, when my mainland Chinese coworker was describing China, he told me people will not aid the sick or injured out of fear it might be a scam designed to extort money...and then this crappola hits the meda.  What fantastic news for the Asians of other ethnic backgrounds living outside of Asia.  The masses being ignorant, in their eyes, we are all the same.  I hate being identified with such a group.  A group where morals and ethnics fall dead last to money and fengshui.

I'm not coherent, b/c I'm just typing as I go...yes, no rational thought here, just pure judgment.  Is this a Chinese thing or a human thing?  Well, let me think...here in North America, I was offered a seat on the public transit system by a man who saw my arm was in a sling.  Would that EVER happen in mainland China?  No, I highly doubt it.

These people don't deserve the economic prosperity they are enjoying.

The Path to Emancipation - sharing the lessons learned

I went to a meditation class and was introduced to this book by the world famous Thich Nhat Hanh.  It is a transcript of the 21 day mindfulness retreat he held in 1998.  I found his words immediately enticing and I couldn't let go.  A few weeks after, I bought my own copy online.

Here is what the Dalai Lama had to say about the author:

"Thich Nhat Hanh shows us the connection between personal, inner peace and peace on earth."

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., in nominating Thich Nhat Hanh for the Nobel Peace Prize:

"Thich Nhat Hanh is a holy man, for he is humble and devout. He is [also] a scholar of immense intellectual capacity." 

I've only started the book, but I have already found some interesting points.  I'd like to share these with you on an ongoing basis.  For today, here's an excerpt worth pondering: 

"According to the teaching and the practice of the Buddha, life is available only in the present moment, in the here and the now.

The Buddha said that the past is already gone, and the future is not yet here. There is only one moment for us to live, and that is the present moment.
We have an appointment with life, and that appointment takes place in the present moment. If we miss the present moment, we miss our appointment with life, which is serious.

In our daily life, we have a tendency to think about the past, to get caught in the sorrow and regret concerning the past, and to get caught in the fear and uncertainty about the future, so our mind is not in the present moment.
That is why it is very important to learn how to go back to the present moment in order to become fully alive, fully present."

This section hit me hard.  I am exactly the type he describes.  Constantly thinking about the regrets of the past, the "I should have" or "Should I" moments, and lamenting about "What if shit happens" in the future.  What he states in this section is so true, so logical, and so simple...yet, it penetrates to the core.  I will share more as I read on.

Steve Jobs: The Wisdom of a Dying Man

Steve Jobs has always impressed me.  All his accomplishments deserve respect in the highest order.  I have always believed everyone - the rich, the poor, the good, the bad and the ugly - has something positive to offer; Steve Jobs, more than others. He was a man with proven foresight, intellect who lived referencing dharma;  couple these points with the fact he stared death in the face twice before finally losing the battle, and what someone like him has to say to the young graduating class of Stanford University has great significance.  After his passing, I read his speech and hand picked some of the parts that held very special meaning to me.

I share these with you now.  Enjoy.

Steve Jobs Wisdom #1:  Do what you love and love what you do 

"You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

Steve Jobs Wisdom #2:  Follow your heart

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, some day you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

Steve Jobs Wisdom #3:  Don't be trapped by Dogma

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but some day not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And, most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

The full speech with annotations can be found here:  http://m.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/oct/09/steve-jobs-stanford-commencement-address?cat=technology&type=article

Rants from Abu Dhabi - Part 3

Here's Part 3.  Enjoy.

***Rant starts here***

Ok Gents, another update from Abu Dhabi (as you'll be able to tell, I got some time).

I thought about it, and I think I'm gonna start sending you guys my thoughts, stories and commentary about various random subjects in alphabetical order. So here we go, starting with "A", I thought I would give you my thoughts on the "Arab Spring". 

ARAB SPRING

I really can't talk about this as I don't want my ass thrown in jail. Seriously, happened to a French prof here in AD that just MENTIONED whether it could happen here. That should give you all the sense you need on that issue.

‪BRITISH FOLKS

‪I'm effin surrounded by Brits here, as well as Aussis. I feel like I'm in Bridget Jones..everyone talks like they do in Bridget Jones and women even kinda all look like Bridget Jones (kinda puffy and pale). It's weird. They also all sound the same to me, but apparently, there are a whole whack of different accents and gradiations in between. I knew there was "posh" and "cockney", but apparently there's some kinda spectrum. I was out for drinks with a bunch last night and they were telling me who at work had very posh accents, mildly posh, and generally working class type accents. Apparently BridgetJones has an unnaturally posh accent and posh folks don't talk like that. Who knew?

They are a bit culturally different though.

So, I was in a cab listening to this Dubai radio station (like top 40 pop stuff) hosted by these British folks (guy and a girl), and they're doing one of those call-in for a prize quizzes. This British lady gets on and they start asking the questions: 1) Who wrote Frankenstein? (I actually knew this one), 2) Name the four parts of the human brain? (I was like WTF??...that's a tough one), 3) Name the king who was shot in the eye with an arrow at the Battle of Hastings in 1066? (I was like WTF?????..what kinda questions are these????). In Canada, it would be like: 1) What city is the Statue of Liberty in?, 2) Who wrote "The Cat in the Hat"? Know what I'm saying? Reminded me again of Bridget Jones Part 2 at the scene in the movie when they were having the quiz at the fancy dinner she went to. During that scene, I was like what kinda hard questions are those?!? Good thing is, the British lady who dialed in was just as retarded as me…got zero right.‬

‪Comforting to know that everyone around the world is generally equally retarded.‬

‪CABS

‪Man, I got so many stories about cabs and cab drivers already. Lots. I've already had all kindsa experiences. Some are nice, and some are absolutely nuts (seriously, they have insanity in their eyes). One dude when I asked him to take me to Dubai Mall, and I asked him (in a very normal tone) whether he knew how to get to Dubai, he was like, "SIR!! YOU NO WORRY ABOUT ME KNOW HOW TO GO TO DUBAI!! OK!!" Dude was seriously angry. I was like "ok…..". Him: "YOU NO WORRY OK!!" Then he just sat there for like a minute breathing heavy. Didn't even start driving. He just kept sitting there muttering to himself and breathing heavy. I actually got out of the cab at that point. I literally told him "I'm not comfortable being in this cab." (Literally that's exactly what I said and I literally wasn't!) As I was walking away, he was like "SIR!! COME BACK!!" He even honked! At which point I started jogging away!! Sad, thing is, the next cab I got was no better.

That dude told me right off the bat that he knew how to get to Dubai (felt assured), then drove me right up to Dubai (felt confident), and then just as we were about to go into Dubai, he veers wayyy right and starts driving away from Dubai. First, I was calm, thinking hmmm maybe this is another way....kinda like a round about. I said calmly, "hmm, I don't think this is right..". Dude ignored me. So, I just sat back thinking, he probably knows where he's going. But, we just kept driving away and away to the point where the entire skyline of Dubai (which was like right in front of us before) started fading into the distance. Then, I was like "Sir, see those tall buildings?! Please drive towards them!" Then he was like, "WHAT YOU TALKING!? HERE DUBAI!". I kept thinking we're probably gonna make a turn at some point...

Never happened. Dude kept on driving away and away and then started driving slower and slower. He was totally effin lost. Came to the point, where I just kept pointing at the far off skyline, and kept yelling , "THERE! I NEED TO GO THERE! SEE THOSE BUILDINGS?! I'M GOING THERE!

A U turn and an hour later..

CABS & BRITS

In combining the above topics, I asked one cabbie what he thought of all the Brits and I thought what he said was interesting. He was like, "I like them…" Interesting, I thought. "You see, British people abide by the laws of Islam." I was thinking hmmm, that's interesting. Then he was like "You know in Islam, one must not lie, cheat or steal." I was like "ok….". He was like, "You know, when a British person, he finds a wallet or mobile phone in my cab, he gives it to me!". Unh huh...‬

‪"You know Muslim people, they don't do that."‬

‪Hahaha‬

‪Have a great weekend gents.‬

‪dan‬

‪(Next time, my thoughts on Burkas..got lots..will send diagrams)

Rants from Abu Dhabi - Part 2

Again, part 2 of the Rantings from Abu Dhabi series.

***Rant starts here***

Ok gents, so it's the holiday of Eid here which marks the end of Ramadan (month long islamic thing when muslims have to fast), and I got a few days off. So, I decided to make my way down to Dubai and check out the city.

At Dubai Mall now, which I think is supposed to be the biggest mall in the world (not positive though). Have to say it's really nice. Reminds me of Ceasar's in vegas.

Anywho, I thought I would take this opportunity to send you guys another update for a Friday, but this time, sharing some of my more general impressions on the UAE and the people and society here..

Will continue to send more low brow commentary on the quality/hotness of women here etc. (and any luck or lack thereof I have - mostly the latter) from time to time.

My preliminary observations and thoughts are as follows:

1) Filipinos run the joint.

Let me say that Filipinos have successfully executed a reverse take-over of the UAE, at least Abu Dhabi and Dubai anyways. Bravo to them.

See as a bit of background, the people native to the UAE called the Emiratees, don't really work (seriously). And, they certainly don't perform 'regular' jobs. Neh enh.

The UAE is actually literally now less than 15% composed of the Emiratees people who are native to this country so they amount to a  very small minority fraction of the population. That said, they control all the wealth. This tiny little country has 10% of the world's oil and 6% of its gas. So, these folks are all rich. They're born rich. There will be no 'Arab Spring' (uprising) here. Nooo way. I read somewhere that described that "Emiratees are born retired" and it's true. They all drive fancy cars and live like ballers.

So, obviously someone's gotta do the work. Hence, the Filipinos, who speak english and are willing to move to wherever to make a life for themselves. And, unlike in Hong Kong where they're all just nannies and maids, they literally perform every type of 'non labour'  function here. Every service type job in Abu Dhabi and Dubai is performed by filipinos (and some indians). That includes all waiting, waitressing, bar tending, retail store staff, hotel staff, security guards etc. Everything. There are literally a tonne of Filipinos here. And, unlike in HK where it's just women, here there are women, men, their children etc. I see bfs/gfs, families, etc. just living their lives (Note they will never be granted citizenship. No foreigner can).

The malls in Abu Dhabi on the weekends look like Little Manillas as they're full of Filipinos who are off work and walking around. And, they don't walk around kinda all looking downtrodden and displaced like I remember them looking in Hong Kong. They literally walk around like they own the joint.

I guess if you're surrounded by your own, and you're able to make a life for yourself, then you just feel comfortable and at home and at ease.

2) Emirates Really run the joint.

They really do, and as they should, it's their country. But, they really act like it. I think it's a factor of them having become a tiny minority in their own country, that they have to exert their status to feel like they're maintaining control. Although they don't work regular jobs, Emirates hold all the govt. jobs which are the top jobs out here as all the major companies are state owned (mostly funds that invest the billions of dollars that these guys literally pump out of the ground each and every single day).

They literally walk around like they own the joint. They're first class and everyone else is second class (or worse).

You hear tonnes of stories about expats who got screwed when they got into a tussle with a local. E.g., You hear the story about the senior U.S. executive that gave some 15 year old Emirate teenage kid the finger and gets tossed into jail. That's one thing that concerns me a bit. If it ever comes down to any situations where it's between an Emirate and an expat, the expat will always lose.. Laws or no laws.

I actually read stuff to that effect before I got here but it's really true. The social hierarchy is an intrinsic and fundamental aspect of this society.

I gotta funny story on that (already).

When I was in the airport in Chicago waiting to get on my direct flight to Abu Dhabi, a group of Emirates women (fully burka'd out) sat down around me. A couple of them were hot (I swear you can tell), and I thought hmmmm, this is interesting. Then, one turns to me and was like "Excuse me sir?" (Speaking politely) I was like "Yes?". And, she just sat there and stared at me. Then she said again "Excuse me?" (Equally politely)

I was like "yes...". She just continued staring. I THINK she was smiling.

I finally clued in. The lady wanted me to get up so her friend or sister could sit down.

I was like whoa that's kinda weird. There were other seats around but not all perfectly together.

That was before I even arrived here! That said, I get treated well. Can't complain. However, the first time that its a GUY that says to me  "Excuse me Sir"...I'm out.

THAT said, I now find burkas on some of these women here really hot :) You can literally tell the ones who are hot (not kidding). They literally walk hot. I've talked about it with the british/aussi guys in my office and they also think burkas are hot on some women.

3) The indians/pakistanis/sri lankans/bangladeshis, really don't run the joint.

If there are a tonne of Filipinos here, there are a bazzillion south asian dudes here (think they're like 40-50%of the population) doing all the real work toiling, building and cleaning this city. All the construction and labour jobs are done by an army of south asian labourers brought here to grind it out. It's kinda sad, but these guys are obviously here by some sorta choice. They literally live in things called "Labour Camps" (Not kidding. Seriously, that's what the sign says), and they work outside in the suffering sun. And, I mean the suffering sun. There are literally days you can't stand outside for 3 mins.(and I love the heat). They're all here by themselves too. No wives, gf's, kids, just them. Millions of them. I went for dinner last night and because it was a holiday you see masses of these guys all walking together along the beach enjoying their day off. Gangs of single guys. If you ask me, it's a recipe for discontent and disaster but so far, there doesn't seem to be an issue about labour unrest.

(Ok, now for something lighter)

4) Guys here hold hands (young dudes).

You know, I read about the fact that in the middle east guys are just more physical with each other, e.g., you may see old dudes walking arm in arm (think its kinda cute), guys kiss each other as a greeting etc. However it's really strange when you see two dudes in their 20/30s (dressed western style even!) walking hand in hand (fingers locked even). It's just weird. Just strolling happy like that..

:oP

Will report more, when I got more.

D

Rants from Abu Dhabi - Part 1

A friend and fellow UofT alumnus of mine recently relocated to Abu Dhabi.
Every so often he sends me his thoughts and experiences from the middle east.
I thought perhaps potential travellers to Abu Dhabi could use some insight in preparing for their trip, so I asked my friend if I could blog his rants for him on my site.
He approved. 

Here is the first in a series of Rants from Abu Dhabi, Part 1.
Enjoy.  I know I did.



****Rant starts below****

On Fri, Aug 12, 2011 at 6:14 AM, wrote:

Ok gents, been here less than 24 hours, and here are my observations:

--It - is - hot. I knew that it was going to be hot. I read that it was going to be hot. But, it is effin hot. You literally cannot walk outside. It's unbearable and feels like you're in a sauna with sun lamps on. It's averaging 48-49 degrees all week with over 50% humidity. Anything over 100 meters away, and I'm gonna have to cab it.

--Yep, there are a lot of h00kers here. A lot. Went around to 4 hotel bars last night and those were basically the only women in there. All types and nationalities and generally nasty. Kinda feels like how I would imagine Bangkok to be. Lotsa old white dudes with youngish nasty asian 'girlfriends'.
--I met this Yemenese (that's from Yemen) chick last night, but there is a VERY good possibility that she was a h00ker, although she told me she made tv documentaries (I think the h00kers here have day jobs). I emailed her after I left the bar, but no reply since.

--I have no idea what people do here during the day on weekends. The Yemenese girl and her Ukrainian friend (supports my h00ker theory) told me that people just sleep during the day. I thought she was kidding. Then, the waitress at brunch today said that it's not great to go to the malls during the day as they are empty and no one is out during the day. Thought she was exaggerating. Well, I'm at the mall now (biggest one in city) and it is EMPTY (friday is the weekend here). Apparently people come out after 8:00 pm and the mall is open all night. I asked the waitress (aussie) what people do during the day, and she said she was really curious herself!

--It's funny, in the nice hotels, the locals are all upstairs in the main lounges in their traditional flowing white gettups sitting all refined and sipping coffees and teas chatting, and all the brits and aussies (and canucks) are in the bars downstairs or in the back (with separate entrances) getting drunk, cavorting with h00kers and being rowdy. Interesting clash of cultures..

Will report more while I have time and remain lonely and friendless.

Have a great weekend gents!

D.

The Future of Seconday School Education? iThink (Developed by UofT MBA school's Dean)

According to my morning read (UofT Magazine), UofT MBA has developed an "integrative-thinking" program called iThink and its working with the Toronto District School Board to implement it in high schools (and eventually primary schools).

iThink basically teaches there is an alternative to either-or scenarios/decisions. It teaches students to make decisions that keep the positive aspects of both choices while dropping the negative.

This program has been developed for Kindergarten to Gr. 12 students. What I find interesting is: "I-Think teaches students to think differently about challenges that aren't easily solved in school or their personal lives".

Does this mean the young men of our future will be able to better manage the women in their respective relationships with creative solutions to questions/statements like: "Do you think she's prettier than me?", "Do I look fat?", "You don't pay enough attention to me.". And my personal favourite: "....." (the silent treatment). For the record, these are general statements commonly thought to be made by women and not my lovely girlfriend.

Where was this program when I was a wee lad!?! I will have to look into this for myself and see if there is substance here, or if this is just academic fluff designed to sell books.

Sometimes, there is more to learn from the question than the answer

Source:  http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/07/13/50-questions-that-will-free-your-mind/

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why are you, you?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
25. What are you most grateful for?
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
32. If not now, then when?
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

On Religion - According to George Carlin

My friends know my stance on religion (of any kind).  It's an archaic belief system that has no place in modern society.  I could go on, but why should I when someone as intelligent and articulate as comedian George Carlin summed it all up in his stand up routine.  Check it out.



George Carlin
On Religion

ObjectiveThought.com
 12-23-5

When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on.

And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.

Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite.

I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend.

But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?

And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that's a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I'm sure you'll like that. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.

In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I've got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I'm blind. I'm blind, oh, now I'm okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!

(Copyright 1999 by George Carlin. Printed without permission.)

http://www.objectivethought.com/atheism/carlin.html

Quote of the Day

"Death does not end life; Life ends when you lose hope..."

Parents and Potential Parents! I Implore You to Read This

Growing up, I didn't get everything I wanted.

Don't misunderstand, I didn't lack anything either, but I knew if I wanted something I would have to work for it.  When I turned 16 years old, I wanted a car, but with a single parent income to cover living expenses for a four person family, I knew my wish would remain nothing but just that:  a wish.  It wasn't until 27 years of age that I was able to buy my first car with money earned while working at a lousy call-centre.  My friends laughed at my little Hyundai Accent.  Then they fell on the floor when I told them it didn't have a/c, lacked power windows or power locks, and the transmission was a standard/manual.  Boy, I remember those days when the summer sun was scorching hot and I'd drive with the windows rolled down, forcing myself to believe the blowing wind was actually cooling me off.  Then it would rain and I'd have no choice but to roll up my windows and drive in a cabin that was more like a sauna than a car.  I would turn on the fan to its highest setting and let it blow on 'cool'.  I'd convince myself this was not a bad alternative, but inside, I knew it was just denial.  A necessary denial that made it easier to swallow the tough reality of my very limited financial options.  Regardless to its shortcomings, I loved that car and took great pride in it.  It was just as beautiful in my eyes as any BMW, or Mercedes.  When you have to work hard for something - like your first car - it's a satisfying thing.  Sure I had friends who's parents bought them a much bigger and better car, but mine still looked just as beautiful since I worked and paid for it with what little I brought to the table.  My car had one important thing my friends' cars didn't:  Pride.  Looking back it's always been like this for me.  I recall in grade school, I never had many 'Polo' (by Ralph Lauren) shirts growing up.  The few I bought, I did so with money earned from working over-time in retail while paid at minimum wage.  Nothing tastes better than the fruits of your labour.  I learned this important lesson at a young age.

The next generation of children, however, seem to have been absent when this life lesson was taught.  Children and teens these days seem to believe things should be done for them and have a sense of entitlement that even Louis XIV of France didn't have.  I am surprised these children - the future of our society - can even wipe their own arses let alone find their own way home.  It seems kids these days have been spoiled beyond belief by parents who "care too much".  I blame the parents.  If you truly love your child, you would make them work for everything.  They want a Wii or PS3?  Three months of household chores before they even see a video game.  You don't like the brand of tooth paste your Mother bought you?  Work your ass off and go buy your own.  You need a drive to the local drug mart?  Try walking there, it's good exercise.  You want to watch your treehouse channel while the adults are watching a movie, show or the news?  Too bad, you're freaking 4 years old, learn to bend to the will of adults and respect their priorities first.  It's that simple.  And yet, I have personally seen the opposite of everything here.  The adults will have to bite their tongue so that one spoiled child can have his tree house channel put on while he plays with his toys.  Kids are driven everywhere and picked up from anywhere - taking public transit simply isn't an option for royalty!  One kid I know has every single video gaming systems out there - yes, every single one!  A coworker is such a devoted and wonderful Mom that she does her daughter's resume and she goes around dropping them off at stores for her daughter.

What are you teaching your kids by doing this?  You're teaching them life isn't a challenge.  You're teaching them learned helplessness.  You're setting them up for disappointment and possible mental and emotional issues because when they enter the real world, life won't bend according to their whim.  And who pays for all this irrational parenting?  Who?  Society as a whole and more significantly the parents themselves.  When these children hit the age of majority and are supposed to be contributing members of society (and family), do you really think they will suddenly change and start contributing?  These kids will be 18, 25, then 30 and guess what?  You'll still be wiping their dirty little arses b/c they will be living at home, expecting meals cooked, laundry done, and drives to their social events.  See it and see it now.  Because by the time they are 30, it'll be too late.  Tough love isn't about hitting or spanking your kids.  Nor is it about yelling and screaming at them either.  It's about putting your foot down, setting expectations and boundaries articulated in a clear and firm manner.  Then, standing by your convictions and holding children accountable for their actions so they learn responsibility.   

It had to be said.  If you're a parent, do yourself a favour and do as I say.