Growing up, I didn't get everything I wanted.
Don't misunderstand, I didn't lack anything either, but I knew if I wanted something I would have to work for it. When I turned 16 years old, I wanted a car, but with a single parent income to cover living expenses for a four person family, I knew my wish would remain nothing but just that: a wish. It wasn't until 27 years of age that I was able to buy my first car with money earned while working at a lousy call-centre. My friends laughed at my little Hyundai Accent. Then they fell on the floor when I told them it didn't have a/c, lacked power windows or power locks, and the transmission was a standard/manual. Boy, I remember those days when the summer sun was scorching hot and I'd drive with the windows rolled down, forcing myself to believe the blowing wind was actually cooling me off. Then it would rain and I'd have no choice but to roll up my windows and drive in a cabin that was more like a sauna than a car. I would turn on the fan to its highest setting and let it blow on 'cool'. I'd convince myself this was not a bad alternative, but inside, I knew it was just denial. A necessary denial that made it easier to swallow the tough reality of my very limited financial options. Regardless to its shortcomings, I loved that car and took great pride in it. It was just as beautiful in my eyes as any BMW, or Mercedes. When you have to work hard for something - like your first car - it's a satisfying thing. Sure I had friends who's parents bought them a much bigger and better car, but mine still looked just as beautiful since I worked and paid for it with what little I brought to the table. My car had one important thing my friends' cars didn't: Pride. Looking back it's always been like this for me. I recall in grade school, I never had many 'Polo' (by Ralph Lauren) shirts growing up. The few I bought, I did so with money earned from working over-time in retail while paid at minimum wage. Nothing tastes better than the fruits of your labour. I learned this important lesson at a young age.
The next generation of children, however, seem to have been absent when this life lesson was taught. Children and teens these days seem to believe things should be done for them and have a sense of entitlement that even Louis XIV of France didn't have. I am surprised these children - the future of our society - can even wipe their own arses let alone find their own way home. It seems kids these days have been spoiled beyond belief by parents who "care too much". I blame the parents. If you truly love your child, you would make them work for everything. They want a Wii or PS3? Three months of household chores before they even see a video game. You don't like the brand of tooth paste your Mother bought you? Work your ass off and go buy your own. You need a drive to the local drug mart? Try walking there, it's good exercise. You want to watch your treehouse channel while the adults are watching a movie, show or the news? Too bad, you're freaking 4 years old, learn to bend to the will of adults and respect their priorities first. It's that simple. And yet, I have personally seen the opposite of everything here. The adults will have to bite their tongue so that one spoiled child can have his tree house channel put on while he plays with his toys. Kids are driven everywhere and picked up from anywhere - taking public transit simply isn't an option for royalty! One kid I know has every single video gaming systems out there - yes, every single one! A coworker is such a devoted and wonderful Mom that she does her daughter's resume and she goes around dropping them off at stores for her daughter.
What are you teaching your kids by doing this? You're teaching them life isn't a challenge. You're teaching them learned helplessness. You're setting them up for disappointment and possible mental and emotional issues because when they enter the real world, life won't bend according to their whim. And who pays for all this irrational parenting? Who? Society as a whole and more significantly the parents themselves. When these children hit the age of majority and are supposed to be contributing members of society (and family), do you really think they will suddenly change and start contributing? These kids will be 18, 25, then 30 and guess what? You'll still be wiping their dirty little arses b/c they will be living at home, expecting meals cooked, laundry done, and drives to their social events. See it and see it now. Because by the time they are 30, it'll be too late. Tough love isn't about hitting or spanking your kids. Nor is it about yelling and screaming at them either. It's about putting your foot down, setting expectations and boundaries articulated in a clear and firm manner. Then, standing by your convictions and holding children accountable for their actions so they learn responsibility.
It had to be said. If you're a parent, do yourself a favour and do as I say.
