The Mainlander Strikes Again!

A friend living in mainland China emailed me a picture of someone whom she said looked freakishly like me.  I emailed friends to see if they agreed.  The Mainlander was among them.  Here is his reply.

On Tue, Sep 28, 2010 at 3:09 PM, The Mainlander <***@*******.ca> wrote:

It is just like you! I said, a bunch of people went to the peninsula from the mainland and they call themselves "Korean". Someone went farther to the island and they called themselves "Japanese".

The Humourous Education of Miss K

A friend's daughter thought it would be funny to put her poor Mommy into a state of hysteria by "joking" that she broke her wrist.  She then ignored her Mommy's attempts to get in contact with her.  Miss K, the daughter of my friend, needs a good spanking, but perhaps she really didn't know this type of "joke" isn't funny at all.  So, with this in mind, I sent my friend an email.  Here it is:

"I was thinking...perhaps Miss K is trying out her comic abilities and testing her talents in humour.

It's agreed that her 'joke' was not funny in the least.  I think maybe she needs to be educated in what is funny and what isn't.

Humour is a very difficult thing to grasp.  I believe, however, that I have a firm grasp on it.

So, here's my lesson to Miss K should you want to share it with her.

Lesson 1:  Jokes that are NOT funny

a) Boyfriend, I'm pregnant; and the baby's yours.  Just kidding!

b) Mother, I have [insert ailment of choice here].  Just kidding!


Lesson 2:  Jokes that are funny

a) Mother, why is there a naked man in your bedroom?  He has no hair on his groin, do you think he's OK?  Just kidding!

b) Boyfriend, I think we are at the stage in our relationship where we are strong enough to invite another woman to join our bed.  Just kidding!


Hope you smiled,  have a good day."

Those Wacky Koreans - A Tribute to Superman and Curry by Norazo

I was introduced to these videos last night at a dinner.  A tribute song and dance to Superman and Curry - how ingenious!  I loved it!  I especially loved the blonde hair dude's dance (he's supposed to be Superman's Father) - its so funky~weird~cool.  I wanted to share this with everyone, so here it is.  Enjoy it in HD.

Video 1:  Superman




Video 2:  Curry

Notes from nbarocks13:

* Korean Proverb for saying "It tastes so good" because one would not be able to realize if the other is dead, meaning will be enchanted by the flavor and will forget his or her surroundings.

*"Joa" means "I like/love it!" in Korean.

*"Namaste" is a common spoken greeting or salutation used in India and Nepal. (From Wikipedia)

*"Yoga Fire" refers to a fire attack move used by Dhalsim (Ethnicity is Indian) of the classic arcade 'Street Fighters'.
 

*"Shanti" means peace but in Korean, it sounds similar to the korean word "ssanti" meaning 'cheap'

This video doesn't really make sense in the beginning but hang in there, the whole court scene is just a setup to the actual video.  If you can't wait skip ahead to 1:54 to watch the music video with English subs.

This is dedicated to the one, the only, Miss Petite

Miss Petite:

Please do enjoy your stay out in the greater Vancouver area.  

When going for sushi with your friend, urge her/him to take you to one of these highly respected sushi joints!

I did the research for you, madame.

Source:  http://www.vanmag.com/Restaurants/Best_Sushi_in_Vancouver

I've copied and pasted the article below so you can read it here.

Allow me to add, although I've never been to Vancouver, the reviews I've read for Ajisai Sushi Bar seem outstanding...this place might be worth your while.

Vancouver's Best Sushi

In a city with more sushi joints than Starbucks, the sheer volume can be overwhelming. For fresh, authentic, accessibly priced Japanese food, wrap your mind around these worthy spots

By Joie Alvaro Kent published Oct 1, 2009

Sashimi at Lime Japanese Cuisine 

Ajisai Sushi Bar

This pocket-sized restaurant is home to some of the city’s finest sushi. Absence of a hot kitchen forces a precise, creative focus on meticulously prepared sashimi and sushi incorporating trad ingredients and techniques. The ume shiso roll balances the tartness of preserved plum with shiso’s unique spiciness. Try the kani battera, sweet crab meat sushi prepared pressed Osaka-style. Closed Mondays and holidays.
2081 West 42nd Ave., 604-266-1428

Dan Japanese Restaurant

Chef-owner Ken Oda’s menu exemplifies simplicity and creativity. The sushi and sashimi list is succinct and painstakingly chosen, changing regularly. Oda’s calamari roll accents perfectly crisped squid tempura with the salty sourness of umeboshi (Japanese pickled plum). Assorted sashimi is expertly trimmed and artfully plated. Closed Tuesdays.
2611 West Broadway, 604-677-6930. Danrestaurant.com

Lime Japanese Cuisine

Executive chef Masa Kudo, formerly of Tojo’s and Blue Water Café’s Raw Bar, heads up the sushi bar together with chef Atsu Inomata, once head chef at Sakai. Specialty maki include a lobster roll with mango, avocado, and tobiko in a pristine cucumber wrap. Kudo’s toro stack sees sliced tuna belly, lightly dressed and topped with a quail egg, fanned out over a pile of sliced green onion.
1130 Commercial Dr., 604-215-1130. Limerestaurant.ca

Octopus’ Garden Restaurant

At this Kits stalwart, chef Sada’s sushi list features playful flavour combinations executed with subtlety and finesse. The popular Yellow Submarine incorporates yellowtail tuna, mango, tobiko, oba leaf, green beans, and crunchy tempura; the Business Class combines both barbecued and smoked wild sockeye salmon with avocado and asparagus. Price tags, from $12 to $25, notch the upper end of the scale. Closed Wednesdays.
1995 Cornwall Ave., Kitsilano, 604-734-8971. Octopusgarden.ca

Zen Japanese Restaurant

The opportunity to sample Chef Nobu Ochi’s exquisitely crafted, beautifully plated selection of sashimi, sushi, and innovative maki is well worth a trek across the bridge. Ochi’s Special Scallop Roll is a rich purple shiso and soy wrap brimming with sweet chopped scallops, masago caviar, and Japanese mayo. Tickle your taste buds with the Hamachi Peak, a delectable combination of yellowtail, shiso, and green onions in a tempura-crisped tofu-crêpe blanket.
101–2332 Marine Dr., West Van, 604-925-0667. Zensushi.ca

Zest

 At serene, elegant Zest, chef Yoshi Maniwa’s expert hand is readily apparent in dishes such as Four of a Kind: slices of yellowtail, white fish, red tuna, and octopus paired with four unique house-made soy sauces. At Shuraku, Zest’s hip baby sister, executive chef Masahiro Omori presents achingly fresh sashimi over crushed ice while rolling out inventive maki like his Red Torch Roll:  barbecued salmon skin and cucumber topped with kimchi, kaiware sprouts, and golden tobiko roe, drizzled with teriyaki and karashi mustard cream. Zest is closed Mondays.
2775 W. 16th Ave., Kitsilano, 604-731-9378. Zestjapanese.com Shuraku 833 Granville St., Downtown, 604-687-6622

A funny thing happened to me at the 1st Toronto Nuit Blanche...

It's here again:  Nuit Blanche - the Toronto chapter.  This time it's 2010.
When I participated in its first year at Toronto, an amusing thing happened to me.

I was looking for a specific Nuit Blanche site/event - on the map it clearly showed its location at Queen and McCaul.  I can't remember the assigned number for this site/event so let's just refer to it as exhibit A.  I walked up and down Queen as well as McCaul three times and each time I couldn't find anything that looked remotely like art.  I am not an art expert by any means, but I do know an art exhibit when I see one; and I tell you: there was nothing!

Finally, I noticed there was someone who looked like a volunteer for Nuit Blanche standing on the corner and I thought, "Wonderful! I can finally find this thing."  I waited for my turn to speak to her as there were two others already engaged in discussion with her.  I noticed, while waiting, that she was dressed very MEC (outdoorsy).  She was just over middle age and seemed pleasant.  The shell jacket she wore made me think she was going hiking in the woods, except she wore Birkenstock sandals (I believe)...these should have been a clear warning sign for what was to come, actually.

After the two people left, I approached her and asked:
"Excuse me, where is exhibit A?"
"I am exhibit A".
"...." (just stared at her for any hint that she was joking;  nothing, she was dead serious).
"Ok...so where is the art work?"
"Well, first I tell you a story..."
"Yes."
"Then, you tell me a story."
"Yes."
"And in this exchange, we share an experience.  This is art."
"..." (mind was racing on how I could get out of this one)

Thank goodness someone came and interrupted and I used my Ninja skills to disappear like lightening.
What a strange experience - she had me baffled for a bit, but perhaps there was something there...after all, this was a long time ago, but I still clearly remember it.

Just thought I'd share.

The Mainlander's cry for help - Does this make sense to you?

I often notice product branding from Asia;  not because it's amazing or anything like that.  I take notice because the English branding on items doesn''t make sense and this gives me a good chuckle.  Here in my office, my good friend, The Mainlander, put up a sign which communicates his intent, but something remains lost in translation.

Look for yourself.:

If you find the following funny, we'll get along

Dialogue 1
Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna. 


Dialogue 2
Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

Dialogue 3
Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Surging Rage

Beginning to really dislike:
1) Pretty young women
2) Youngest siblings

These two groups of people are starting to get on my nerves like no tomorrow.
Perhaps I'll elaborate on why another time because if I start writing now, I'm gonna write something mean and nasty.

Feel like crap today

Came back from camp this weekend and fell sick immediately.
Feels like I have a flu or something...can't get enough sleep, body feels lethargic, throat is dry, and I'm very cold.
No updates until I feel better.

Tough Love from the Mainlander

This is a record of a chat that took place between the Mainlander and me.  It was in reference to a hot woman who he wanted me to "get".  This is his way of encouraging me and kicking my ass into gear, as a friend.  Truthfully, there's more to this than how it comes across but I had to edit this chat record to protect identities.

Note:  Both of us are joshing with each other here so please don't take it too seriously.

For your enjoyment...


 ** Tue 14:57 **
 The Mainlander:    I told you to act up but you didn't.

 ** Tue 14:57 **
 The Mainlander:    If I were you I will do it on 2nd day.

 ** Tue 14:57 **
 The Mainlander:    What a **** you are !

 ** Tue 14:58 **
Me:   Mr. Mainlander, u r awesome - I am too scared.

 ** Tue 14:58 **
Me:   But I will do it.

 ** Tue 14:58 **
Me:   I don't care.

 ** Tue 14:58 **
Me:   U r right.

 ** Tue 14:58 **
 The Mainlander:    She is only a girl what you are afraid of?

 ** Tue 14:58 **
Me:   Hit me.

 ** Tue 14:58 **
Me:   I deserve it.

 ** Tue 14:58 **
The Mainlander:    You don't deserve my hit

 ** Tue 14:58 **
Me:   : (

 ** Tue 15:05 **
 The Mainlander:    You deserve jerking off every night

 ** Tue 15:05 **
Me:   Oh my god

 ** Tue 15:08 **
Me:   I am going to kill myself

 ** Tue 15:08 **
 The Mainlander:    No cry. Cry changes nothing. Just do it.

 ** Tue 15:15 **
 The Mainlander:    I hope you have her email or phone

 ** Tue 15:15 **
 The Mainlander:    If not, look her up on fackbook, Myplace etc

 ** Tue 15:15 **
Me:   I have her email.

 ** Tue 15:15 **
 The Mainlander:    Contact her!!

 ** Tue 15:15 **
Me:   I am in touch with her via bbm too

 ** Tue 15:16 **
 The Mainlander:    You don't want me to tell you how to do!!!

 ** Tue 15:16 **
Me:   Lol

 ** Tue 15:16 **
Me:   I am many yrs older than her

 ** Tue 15:17 **
 The Mainlander:    Nothing you. Can loose, man!!

 ** Tue 15:17 **
Me:   This should be EASY!!!

 ** Tue 15:17 **
Me:   Fuk this!

 ** Tue 15:17 **
Me:   I am gonna go get her!!!

 ** Tue 15:17 **
 The Mainlander:    If you don't act up I'm gonna treat you differently

 ** Tue 15:17 **
 The Mainlander:    As you are not qualified to be my Korean brother

 ** Tue 15:18 **
 The Mainlander:    You are losing faces to all Koreans!

 ** Tue 15:18 **
Me:   But in an uncertain way...

 ** Tue 15:18 **
 The Mainlander:    Don't think that much. Just go!

 ** Tue 15:18 **
Me:   Ok.

 ** Tue 15:18 **
 The Mainlander:    Bring her back to us after 2 weeks.

 ** Tue 15:18 **
Me:   I'll ask her out for next weekend.

 ** Tue 15:18 **
 The Mainlander:    If you failed to do so I am gonna kick your dick off as you don't deserve it!

 ** Tue 15:18 **
 The Mainlander:    Good. You will make it!

 ** Tue 15:18 **
 The Mainlander:    You need me behind you and I will!

 ** Tue 15:18 **
 The Mainlander:    BE A MAN.

 ** Tue 15:18 **
 The Mainlander:    Bye

 ** Tue 15:18 **
Me:   Mr. Mainlander.  Thanks, I appreciate your support. I am ready for battle.

The Mainlander Says...

"The Japanese are Chinese people who wouldn't listen to us [Chinese] and escaped to an island."

Today's Memorable Quote from the Mainlander

In reply to me stating the hiking boots I bought are one of the few items that is actually not made in China and instead, are handmade in Italy:

"Come on!  These are handmade in Italy...by Chinese workers.  Italian cannot do this.

Don't be fooled."

In defense of men: We are not all dogs!

In a recent email correspondence, a woman I know joked that she doesn't need sex.  She said only men seem to really need it and surmised that is probably why men cheat - because we need sex all the time.

To her, I replied:

You don't need sex!?!?
Stop that crazy talk, girl!

Men cheat in their minds 100% of the time. This is a fact. We are filthy, we are dirty, we are perverted, we are lustful. However, most of us who are happy never cross the line. The few who do, do so because:
1) They aren't frequently "fed" at home for whatever reason.
2) They are lonely - even when married (due to a lack/loss of connection - emotional/spiritual, not physical)
3) They never transitioned into manhood fully and properly before settling down. Their "wild oats" have not been sown.
4) A rare few have all their needs met, but are just selfish, cold-hearted bastards who can't see outside of themselves and treat sex like a game/drug - so no matter how much these idiots have, they risk it all by cheating simply for the "fukk".

Don't let a few jackasses ruin it for you. You don't have to get involved emotionally if you don't want to - I know many women who are like this. But, be open to men - we are not all dogs.

Most of us just want to be filthy, perverted dogs with the right woman. Most women tend to forget this. :-)

Have a good day!

The Steadfast Greek

I have a friend of Greek descent.
He asked me not to blog about him.
So I shall not.

Authentic Chinese Food Eaten Authentically!

Some people fly all over the world to enjoy authentic flavours.  One of the joys of living in Canada is that we can taste authenticity right here without having to spend thousands of dollars on airfare.  For example, tonight, I was treated to dinner at my friend's house.  His mother-in-law made delicious Shanghai dishes for dinner and I was lucky enough to be invited.  Thanks, Mrs. Su!

The flavours were so hardcore, I wrote to my friends and attached pictures to share the experience.
Here is the email and accompanying pic.

Date: Mon, Sep 6, 2010 at 8:15 PM
To: Friends
Subject: You know you are eating hardcore Chinese food when...
1) They serve a nice ontario red with the meal.
2) They serve it in a mug.

I am eating so hardcore right now, this should be restricted xxx!!!

:-)

A smile of the heart

Today, I received a smile from a sandwich shop counter girl who made me realize how incomplete physical attraction is without personality or depth of character.  She gave me a smile that was so genuine and so sincere, I immediately saw her in a different light.  Physically, she was larger than I usually like, but despite this, her wonderful smile warmed me up and I saw her as one of the most attractive women in the world.  I couldn't stop looking at her face, not because she was pretty, but because I was perplexed at why her unpretentious smile had such an impact on me.

Admittedly, we men, so easily and quickly, lose our senses in the presence of a gorgeous woman.  This is known among female circles as "thinking with the little head".  On behalf of the male gender, I apologize to all women out there who fell victim to our knee-jerk reaction triggered by beautiful women - who happen to be typically much younger and more attractive than yourselves.  ;-)

This girl's smile, however, didn't create a physiological response that is usually manifested with a male "standing ovation".  Rather, the response went deeper and beyond the physical.  She made me feel really nice at my core.  I truly felt her smile.  During service, and even after service when I was walking away, she was smiling at me with such pureness... almost like a child who just received a gift on his/her birthday.  I walked away flustered.  How can she look at a stranger with such sweetness?  How can she smile like that as an adult?  Doesn't she know life is hard?  Doesn't she understand the world is cruel?  Dramatic, I know.  I have to be, otherwise, how else will you understand this smile - a smile of the heart? 

I learned a lesson here.  Often, as a man, I see beautiful women and feel such a surge of attraction its hard to think straight.  The more attractive the woman, the more awry my highly sensitive nervous system becomes.  Today, a woman of average beauty taught me that a girl who can smile a sincere, warm and unpretentious smile of the heart can touch a man to his very core - much deeper than any hot bikini body or model face.

Earlier, I pondered:  Why was she smiling like that?  How could she?  The answer came to me just now.  Yes, the world can be cruel and certainly, life can be harsh to anyone at any given time.  Sadly, we have no control over this.  We, however, can choose to give up and cry all day and night, or we can choose to take the hits and push forward.  I feel I have been doing the latter.  Proudly, without assistance, and at a position of disadvantage, I have come quite away by owning a home, paying off my car and managing to stay out of jail.  :-)  I have endured but it's hurt quite a lot and I've collected the scars to prove it.  Often, I come home tired (mentally and physically) of people, work and life.  I simply don't have the energy at times to smile, let alone laugh.  Hey, doing everything on your own without any assistance is not easy.  

Then here is this girl.  Who knows what she's gone through, but I am sure she's had her battles and wars.  Everyone has - that's life.  And through it all, she is still able to stand with this amazing smile that not only offers me solace, but strength as well.  I've never had a lovely set of legs; a killer arse; buxom breasts; or, a stunning face (often showing boredom b/c everyone else is ugly) offer me this type of comfort and encouragement.  Here lies my answer.  She effortlessly smiles a smile of the heart because she's learned there's strength in gentleness.  This is simply her DO ("doh" = way).  This is the reason why she moved me and why I probably found her instantly beautiful.  I admired her strength to stay real.  I respected her ability to offer something only a few can give.  I appreciated her sharing her kindness and letting me feel her warmth.

It's funny how this girl will never know the impact she had on me.  Still, I remain grateful.

Just had to write this one out.  Oh boy, my friends are gonna razz me on this one... oh well, I had to stay honest with myself! :-)

My wish list ~ I feel like treating myself...

MEC Jetstreak Jacket:

Adidas Fluid Trainer:

Zara Scarf (Fall):

Memorable quotes from the mainlander

 

I work with someone who is a recent immigrant from the communist nation of mainland China.  His personality mixed with his lack of English skills often offers unexpected bouts of hilarity!  Now, add to this that his face seems to always be grimacing for some reason and the laughs just continue endlessly.

I have decided to start a list of his comments and quotes.  Here are a few to get started.

On how the Koreans took everything from the Chinese:

"The Koreans learned everything from Chinese people.  Building huts, cooking...
they tried to learn the language but couldn't so they created all these circles
and squares with lines here and there."

Asking if the summer student is of mixed ethnicity:

"Is she a 'hybrid'?"

Explaining the various buildings within the Forbidden Palace grounds [from pictures off the internet]:

"The forbidden palace is a big place.

Look here, this building is the size of football fields - and you know what this building was for?  The Emperor kept this building for all his cucumbers....     No!  Sorry, I meant, Concubines!"

His explanation of why marriage kills love:

"When you are married there is no more love.  That is why they say marriage is the graveyard for love.  After you marry, there is no feeling for your wife.  You just try to feed the family.  You will hold her hand but feel nothing - it's like your left hand is holding your right hand.  But you only feel something when your hand is cut."

Thoughts on a new BlackBerry leather pocket case:

"This pocket is so new its hard to get the BlackBerry in.  Too tight...like a virgin bride."