In my previous post I gave examples of the various lessons that hit home for me on the topic of letting go. It would be irresponsible of me to leave it at that and make it seem so easy. Reading the words of great teachers summarized into a simple list will not help you in letting go of your demons. I know this as surely as I know that you are hurting. Why else would you be reading this - a blog entry of an insignificant person on the internet? ;-)
I am not a teacher and certainly not a wise man. I am a fool who one day decided the pain was too great to bear and realized that something had to be done. I documented my feelings, thoughts, pains and progress. The only thing I can offer the reader (with the patience to continue reading) are the discoveries I made along my path and the things I did that worked for me.
Letting go is tough. It's next to impossible if you have not found your centre yet. What's even more of a challenge is when the source of your anger/pain/frustration is constantly in your face day in and day out. For example: your mother, your sister, your coworker, your boss, etc. When you are forced to interact with the very people who are grating on your nerves, letting go becomes a seemingly insurmountable task. This is the reality of it all and the point I want to make: it's great to let go and learn about these wonderful, deep stories taught by Buddhist masters, but when it comes down to it, it's easy for them to tell it like it is because they have separated themselves from this world and practice their meditation daily in an environment better suited for discovery than our homes or offices. The real world is convoluted, hectic and in chaos. Finding your keys is, at times, just as difficult as finding your centre.
Why am I going on about this? Is it to show how easy the monks have it compared to us? Am I making a statement about how these monks have escaped from the real world? I say "Nay". What I am trying to show you is letting go in the real world is a damn hard thing to do for anybody. It's daunting, it's maddening and it's draining. Again, so what? Here's what: in light of how difficult it is to let go, stop beating yourselves up each and every time you screw up! Failure is expected! It is perfectly normal that you should fall when trying something so difficult. You don't have the guidance of wise senior monks 24/7, nor do you have the wealth to see a psychiatrist when you have your next meltdown - and that's ok! Accept that there is nothing wrong with you. Accept that it's all a part of the process of letting go. When you can accept you made a mistake and continue to prepare for your next attempt, you have already progressed to stage two.
Let me be very clear: accept you will fall and fail in your attempts to let go. That is all. Please do not read into it more by spinning it and viewing it as "getting up" after a hit. This is totally different. Accepting you will fail offers you peace and a quiet understanding; simply getting up after a hit sounds very dramatic and inspirational, but it doesn't mean you have accepted a gentle, kind view of your failures. One is a change of heart/mind and the other is simply a physical action.
When you accept it's hard and failures along the way are inevitable, you are being kind to yourself. Ever notice you are often more compassionate and more gentle to a friend in need than you are to yourself? Or some of you might even be more kind to a stranger in need than you are to yourselves. Why is that? You deserve every bit of kindness and gentleness as anyone else out there. Remember: treat the hurting, crying you as you would a close friend. Would you kick your friend to the curb if he/she came to you because they lost a loved one? Of course not! Be your own best friend. Accept you will fail. Accept it is normal considering how challenging letting go is and you will take an inch of a step closer to letting go. It worked for me. Perhaps it won't work for you, but nonetheless, accepting you will fail and being kind to yourself when you do is a step in the right direction - regardless to what may come of it for you.
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