Rants from Abu Dhabi - Part 3

Here's Part 3.  Enjoy.

***Rant starts here***

Ok Gents, another update from Abu Dhabi (as you'll be able to tell, I got some time).

I thought about it, and I think I'm gonna start sending you guys my thoughts, stories and commentary about various random subjects in alphabetical order. So here we go, starting with "A", I thought I would give you my thoughts on the "Arab Spring". 

ARAB SPRING

I really can't talk about this as I don't want my ass thrown in jail. Seriously, happened to a French prof here in AD that just MENTIONED whether it could happen here. That should give you all the sense you need on that issue.

‪BRITISH FOLKS

‪I'm effin surrounded by Brits here, as well as Aussis. I feel like I'm in Bridget Jones..everyone talks like they do in Bridget Jones and women even kinda all look like Bridget Jones (kinda puffy and pale). It's weird. They also all sound the same to me, but apparently, there are a whole whack of different accents and gradiations in between. I knew there was "posh" and "cockney", but apparently there's some kinda spectrum. I was out for drinks with a bunch last night and they were telling me who at work had very posh accents, mildly posh, and generally working class type accents. Apparently BridgetJones has an unnaturally posh accent and posh folks don't talk like that. Who knew?

They are a bit culturally different though.

So, I was in a cab listening to this Dubai radio station (like top 40 pop stuff) hosted by these British folks (guy and a girl), and they're doing one of those call-in for a prize quizzes. This British lady gets on and they start asking the questions: 1) Who wrote Frankenstein? (I actually knew this one), 2) Name the four parts of the human brain? (I was like WTF??...that's a tough one), 3) Name the king who was shot in the eye with an arrow at the Battle of Hastings in 1066? (I was like WTF?????..what kinda questions are these????). In Canada, it would be like: 1) What city is the Statue of Liberty in?, 2) Who wrote "The Cat in the Hat"? Know what I'm saying? Reminded me again of Bridget Jones Part 2 at the scene in the movie when they were having the quiz at the fancy dinner she went to. During that scene, I was like what kinda hard questions are those?!? Good thing is, the British lady who dialed in was just as retarded as me…got zero right.‬

‪Comforting to know that everyone around the world is generally equally retarded.‬

‪CABS

‪Man, I got so many stories about cabs and cab drivers already. Lots. I've already had all kindsa experiences. Some are nice, and some are absolutely nuts (seriously, they have insanity in their eyes). One dude when I asked him to take me to Dubai Mall, and I asked him (in a very normal tone) whether he knew how to get to Dubai, he was like, "SIR!! YOU NO WORRY ABOUT ME KNOW HOW TO GO TO DUBAI!! OK!!" Dude was seriously angry. I was like "ok…..". Him: "YOU NO WORRY OK!!" Then he just sat there for like a minute breathing heavy. Didn't even start driving. He just kept sitting there muttering to himself and breathing heavy. I actually got out of the cab at that point. I literally told him "I'm not comfortable being in this cab." (Literally that's exactly what I said and I literally wasn't!) As I was walking away, he was like "SIR!! COME BACK!!" He even honked! At which point I started jogging away!! Sad, thing is, the next cab I got was no better.

That dude told me right off the bat that he knew how to get to Dubai (felt assured), then drove me right up to Dubai (felt confident), and then just as we were about to go into Dubai, he veers wayyy right and starts driving away from Dubai. First, I was calm, thinking hmmm maybe this is another way....kinda like a round about. I said calmly, "hmm, I don't think this is right..". Dude ignored me. So, I just sat back thinking, he probably knows where he's going. But, we just kept driving away and away to the point where the entire skyline of Dubai (which was like right in front of us before) started fading into the distance. Then, I was like "Sir, see those tall buildings?! Please drive towards them!" Then he was like, "WHAT YOU TALKING!? HERE DUBAI!". I kept thinking we're probably gonna make a turn at some point...

Never happened. Dude kept on driving away and away and then started driving slower and slower. He was totally effin lost. Came to the point, where I just kept pointing at the far off skyline, and kept yelling , "THERE! I NEED TO GO THERE! SEE THOSE BUILDINGS?! I'M GOING THERE!

A U turn and an hour later..

CABS & BRITS

In combining the above topics, I asked one cabbie what he thought of all the Brits and I thought what he said was interesting. He was like, "I like them…" Interesting, I thought. "You see, British people abide by the laws of Islam." I was thinking hmmm, that's interesting. Then he was like "You know in Islam, one must not lie, cheat or steal." I was like "ok….". He was like, "You know, when a British person, he finds a wallet or mobile phone in my cab, he gives it to me!". Unh huh...‬

‪"You know Muslim people, they don't do that."‬

‪Hahaha‬

‪Have a great weekend gents.‬

‪dan‬

‪(Next time, my thoughts on Burkas..got lots..will send diagrams)